all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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