dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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