i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
