he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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