Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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