I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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