She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
