I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have already put on my inside pants.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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