I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
