She's like a pop up book from hell.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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