and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
