I wish you could order shots online.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
