So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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