How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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