not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
