Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
