please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
