do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Randomize
