So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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