Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
