after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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