508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
