My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize