i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
