That's intense
I am spending my child support on dildos
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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