I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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