there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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