just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
