You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
