I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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