and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
