Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
