been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
