I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
