but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
