Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize