i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
