everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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