Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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