"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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