Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it because I queefed?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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