Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
