dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
