dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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