Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
