Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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