Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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