There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize