You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
