If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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