I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
