so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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