I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
