East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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