Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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