i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
