You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
