The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
