So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
