i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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