the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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