well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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