i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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